it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
