what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
