You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
