P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Pooping to opera.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
