On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
