I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
