Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
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She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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