she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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