It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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