I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
