I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bring me that man meat
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
