Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
