So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
