I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
