Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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