he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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