my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
