There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
