been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
