Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
