Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You're earring is so big in my mouth
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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