You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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