Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
