He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
