Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
