Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We got so high we made milksteak
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I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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