When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
