The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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