Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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