physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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