what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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