I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
