question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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