so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
