You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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