His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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