Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
