I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
