i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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