i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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