sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
