I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
