My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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