If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
