i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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