We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
