I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
