CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
