Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
