i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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