Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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