Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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