I think I just saw someone hide a body.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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