I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
