hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
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every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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