What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
