I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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