Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
