So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize