So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
