you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
