those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
