I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
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he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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