So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
