when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
