No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
