You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
