I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
