Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
